Stuntcock Mike Returns with 'THE BIG LEBOWSKI

Stuntcock Mike Returns with 'THE BIG LEBOWSKI - XXX PARODY'

Written by AIBN Staff

Thursday, 29 July 2010 19:23

The Big Lebowski: A XXX Parody

Starring: Tom Byron, Evan Stone, Kristina Rose

Rating: 5 'Evan Stones' out of 5

Written by: STUNTCOCK MIKE

So I’ve discovered the toughest thing to do is watch hardcore smut
1) in it’s entirety.
2) without ‘bating.
3) with your spouse.
4) pretty much drunk.

I shan’t be undertaking such a fruitless task again. And by fruitless I mean semenless.

I’m convinced the 'Parody' series of films are the future of porn. The production design is actually really fucking good. The actors get to “act” and it seems they’re having quite a bit of fun at the same time. They seem pretty intent on getting the details right. It becomes enjoyable as hell to watch. Try that shit with 'Slutwoman 4'. Can’t do it.

So good job porn guys, you’re doing the Lord’s Work here.

Anyway, on to the film...............

Eisenstein’s theory of collision montage, which was put to such good use in Sam Peckinpah’s 'The Wild Bunch', is finally perfected here. One comes away with the feeling that the filmmaker has envisioned a pastiche of.............yeah, just kidding guys, this is porn, and although highly professional in content, it doesn’t even measure up to a weak DTV offering.

Essentially this is a carbon copy(camera work and all) of the Coen Brothers’ film but with a few minor differences. It starts off with slow motion bowling over the credits, except the gals are topless which looks pretty fucking cool, if you ask me. Instead of pissing on the rug, Wu blows his post-blowjob seed on The Dude’s prized collection of VHS porn tapes, thus leading him to the other Jeff Lebowski’s place to try and replace them.

“It went okay. The old man told me to take any VHS porn in the house.”

Then he writes a check for $1100 (so Brandt can watch) and Bunny blows him.

So he goes home and watches one of his new tapes entitled THE GAPE WAR in which we see the lovely Kristina Rose getting shoehorned from stem to stern by Saddam and some random CIA guy. Kristina is my favorite porner right now. She lacks tit but makes up for it with unbridled enthusiasm. Professional.

Tom Byron does a pretty good job playing The Dude, especially considering he’s out of his usual element, which is his excellent and highly recommended series 'Asseaters Unanimous'. He spends 92% of those films getting his rectum chowed on by some fine maiden whilst he jerks off. Good shit.

It does have the two “fantasy” sequences just like the original. The first, Gutterballs, turns into a lesbo orgy. I like that. The second is pretty funny, instead of The Dude spinning around inside a bowling ball, he is inside Maude Lebowski’s purple dildo, from inside which we get a dildo’s-eye view as Maude shoves it up her cunt. This is inventive film making. Mr. Spielberg, you’ve been put on notice.

And of course we get to see the logical conclusion of LOGJAMMIN. Bunny takes it up the ass. It’s weird though, in the original film the Asian chick was played by Asia Carrera. Why not get her in this? It would’ve made it more legit in an odd way sort of. Plus I like Asia, she always inspired loads to be blown into my Wife’s favorite cashmere facecloth. I hear she’s retired though, which sucks and like me, she’s an Atheist, which is hot.

There are a few major missed opportunities in this film.

First is the Nihilists. Fuck man, three Nihilists plowing the fourth nine-toed female Nihilist in all holes is like a gift handed to you. USE IT!

Second is Walter’s great “This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!” scene. This wouldn’t even have to be written for fuck’s sake. This. Is. What. Happens. When. You. Fuck. A. Stranger. In. The. Ass.

Actor Peter O'Tool is great as Walter by the way. Although he doesn’t get a fuck scene this is his best work since being nominated for the Academy Award for Lawrence of Arabia. Cudos.

Nobody comes close to Evan Stone’s acting chops in the XXX world. This guy is a fucking Chameleon Man. He plays Brandt as well as The Stranger and goddamned if he isn’t great in both roles. Scene stealin’ motherfucker.

I’d put this film second only to the excellent 'Star Trek XXX Parody'. Even though I’m not a Trek fan, it’s great to see the guy playing Spock, totally in character, saying “Highly illogical” while plowing an Enterprise crew member up the boiler.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 17 August 2010 20:47

53 Comments

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You're doing God's work Mike
Continentalop says:

Fri 30 Jul 2010 22:49:24 CDT

Keep it up, brother.
And keep up the work too.
But seriously is the guy playing Donny
Continentalop says:

Fri 30 Jul 2010 22:54:48 CDT

Is that Casey Affleck? If not, they should cast him in the lead of the parody of "The Killer Inside Me."
Mike great work. Now you have to...
Odo19 says:

Fri 30 Jul 2010 23:18:12 CDT

review that superhero one with Randy Spears as The Joker. Pretty please. Oh and Fishburne's daughter too.
Stuntmike is back.
Grammaton Cleric Binks says:

Sat 31 Jul 2010 08:26:00 CDT

It's about time.
Hahahahaha That looks brillaint!
Col. Tigh-Fighter says:

Sat 31 Jul 2010 11:59:00 CDT

I am actually tempted to watch this!
Brother Stuntcock, you are indeed a prophet cum down from the mountain, Brother! Gods work indeed
Man, Donny looks exactly like Casey Affleck.
Stuntcock Mike says:

Sat 31 Jul 2010 14:54:59 CDT

The shit is creepy. He could easily double him in a Parody.
The Ass Destruction of Jesse James bi the Coward Robert Hard
Casey Affleck is Casey Affleck in - THE RAPIST INSIDE ME
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Sat 31 Jul 2010 17:23:19 CDT

...
Ha ha
LordBronco says:

Sat 31 Jul 2010 18:53:08 CDT

Welcome back you fuggin' reprobate!
Now THIS is what I call fan-fiction.....
Odo19 says:

Sat 31 Jul 2010 21:19:38 CDT

Originally by McClane98.It's a little long but trust me. This is the way Nolan needs to go.
A "Robin" plotline could work if it's done right. It just has to be as edgy and realism-bound as the rest. Imagine...
Batman -- still being hunted by authorities but also still doing his job -- is about to tear up a bunch of street punks or larger scale villain, but the baddies get the jump on him. Just when the villain is taking his prime shot at killing Batty, the baddie is hit from behind by a sharpened projectile, a spear or some type. The baddie falls, dead.
We see someone -- something -- escaping the scene through the shadows. Something small, fast, hyper agile. Batman pursues, slightly winded from the previous scuffle, but loses his prey in the night.
Later, this shadowy someone shows up again in the night coincidentally on the same night as Wayne is attending the usual sort of gala event. This time, Wayne-as-Wayne (not as Batman) gives chase and somehow catches up to the mysterious figure.
It's a Kid. Early teens. Wild eyed, lean but strong, feral in a way. He's small but a threat. Also, he doesn't speak. He's been living on his own in the alleys and tunnels of Gotham for quite some time, fighting for survival in this harsh steel jungle. Like Francois Truffaut's WILD CHILD, but urban.
Wayne is able to get the Kid calmed enough to take him into his care. Photographers capture the event... Headlines read "WAYNE HELPS HOMELESS." Through Commissioner Gordon's investigation, he learns the Kid's parents were killed by street thugs in much the same way Wayne's were. The boy's name is Robert. (But he's rarely referred to by name, from here on in.)
Wayne takes a good look around Gotham and thinks about starting up a relief program for Gotham's homelessness victims. Gordon thinks of his own kids and offhandedly tells Wayne, "Children... the future of Gotham is in their hands." Wayne feels that he might've ended up the same way as the Kid if not for Alfred and the Wayne family fortune.
The movie continues upon its A-Plot for a while... I like the angle of The Riddler being hired by the City (or taking it upon himself, very publicly) to hunt the Batman for the Police. Plug in the Kid where a romantic subplot might normally be. Maybe he has a scene or two with Alfred or Lucius. Caine, Freeman and a Feral Kid might make an interesting combo for a scene or two. (Whenever they address him he flies into a rage. "Doesn't seem to like his name much, does he?" asks Alfred.)
Somewhere along the line, the Kid's resourcefulness leads him into finding out that Wayne is Batman, but as a mute -- and as a friend -- he tells no one. Maybe he helps out in the latter moments of the film's key action sequence, maybe not...
Toward the end of the film we're at Wayne Manor on a cloudy day. Wayne decides that though he wants to care for the Kid, it would make his life as both public figure and crimefighter-on-the-run difficult. He enlists the boy into a private educational care system -- the best schooling and safety he can fund, making sure the Kid has all his worldly needs taken care of, and vowing to visit him regularly. Commissioner Gordon agrees and applauds Wayne's intentions. "When he grows up, he'll have a place here," he tells Gordon.
We see the boy being driven away... He looks out the rear window of the car at Wayne and Gordon and silently raises a hand to say goodbye. "See you soon, Master Robert," says Alfred, nearby.
"You know," Gordon jokes, "We found out we actually got his name wrong on the preliminary reports. It wasn't Robert at all... It's Robin."
"Robin?" Wayne replies, looking off toward the child in the car. Toward the future.
The clouds break to reveal an orange sunset... Night's coming.
Wayne smirks the smallest bit and silently walks back toward stately Wayne Manor with Alfred.
Wayne says to Gordon "I really appreciate your help with him (Robert)." Gordon replies, "Just doing what I can." "Aren't we all?" Wayne offers back.
Gordon is just starting to leave when the batsignal is lit. Through his rear window, he sees Wayne start running toward the Manor. He wonders where Wayne is headed, then the detective in him kicks in and suddenly a look of shock hits his face.
The car screeches to a halt, Gordon jumps out... "Wayne!!" he screams, taking a few steps... eyes on fire as he walks closer...
Wayne stops in his tracks. Alfred is frozen a step away. Panic. Extreme tension. Wayne is a deer in the headlights. He knows he's been found out. Gordon's expression is confusion, amazement, a dozen feelings at once... Wayne, for the first time since this all began, feels fear. What now? What next?
Silence... Gordon steps to Wayne. Their eyes meet.
"All this time," whispers Gordon. "All this time... The Bat."
"The Bat," Wayne cautiously responds. "And the man."
Gordon's mind is wrestling, everything that's occurred over the years, conversations, events, moments... His face rises... his voice trembles... "The man," he says quietly. "Who does what he can."
Gordon slowly raises his hand in friendship, Wayne smiles emotionally, eyes welling up.
The shake is strong. Powerful. Purposeful. No more pretending. No more secrets between friends.
This may be a dangerous thing in the long run, they both seem to feel... But in this moment, there is understanding.
Alfred smiles. Gordon steps back, releasing Wayne's hand. "Better get going."
Wayne takes a few steps, then turns back one last time to Gordon. "Thank You." Runs off...
Alfred and Gordon walk back toward the car... "You're lucky... He hardly ever says that," Alfred jokes while walking ahead to get the car door for Gordon...
Gordon, exhausted, pauses and looks over his shoulder as Wayne runs into the Manor.
Gordon replies softly... "And he'll never have to."
Gordon gets in the car, closing the door.
As he turns the key, we crash cut to the Batman jumping into the Batmobile, starting it up... Roaring toward camera.
Just two men fighting the good fight. ------------------------------------------------------------ The end's a little dramatic, I know. But I think they'll want something a little more "up" for the end of the third chapter. Here, Wayne gets to grow up and become the father figure he never had, becoming the man from the boy he once was.
The Wayne in BATMAN BEGINS and DARK KNIGHT matures, led in a way by the unknowing Gordon. At the end of DARK KNIGHT Gordon's fatherhood is explored, leading the way for a deeper look at such responsibility in Part 3. Plus, making "Robin" a mute (and homeless, for a touch of the real) wildchild would cut down on the saccharine or shmaltz or camp of earlier incarnations. The more unraveled and edgy he is, the more he'd fit in to Nolan's world. And having him discover for himself Wayne's alter ego and keeping his silence, even though they part at the end (for now) makes their bond stronger. Or for those who think that last shot's too soft we could always the Horner/Howard music score swelling as we see the Bat-signal turned in the sky above. Wayne walks more hurriedly... more purposely... and in a moment he's off to work again... roaring toward camera in the Batmobile...
I know it breaks with canon to have Gordon know the truth, but it feels like the core of these films to me are, in the end, all about Gordon and Wayne and their friendship. And as Gordon's a great cop and a good man, you get torn between him never needing to know and the fact that he's a great cop and probably should be smart enough to put things together. As someone mentioned once before I think, that last line from BATMAN BEGINS was so powerful I feel it would be very cool (even if maybe a little on-the-nose) to have Gordon echo it back, here, bring their friendship, and the trilogy, full circle.
Thoughts?
There's a porn actor named Peter O'Tool?
Xiphos says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 04:03:59 CDT

Gentlemen THAT is professionalism at it's finest.
FUCK YES!! Best comments ever...
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 17:07:28 CDT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAXHgXfI0-I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgMLROTqJ0
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 17:11:22 CDT

.
Odo, you can suck off that THOR retard all you want.....
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 17:31:47 CDT

....none of that Avengers shit came close this professionalism.
http://www.liveforfilms.com/2010/08/01/ryan-reynolds-recites-the-green-lantern-oath/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+liveforfilms%2FqdPt+%28Live+for+Films%29&utm_content=Twitter
I'm watching this asap!
Conspiracy says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 18:01:33 CDT

Porn and Lebowski...thats what I'm talking about. And yes...Asia is retired, living in St. George Utah raising two kids; she was always a fav of mine too..6' of German/Jap and all fucked up hybrid. If anyone deserves the Gold Gash Lifetime achievement award it is Asia Carrera.
I see you and raise you this internet fight clip!
LordBronco says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 18:11:13 CDT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vMKN1tYknE
Now that's keeping it real!
or
LordBronco says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 18:23:35 CDT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utY2ymVrt-4&NR=1
or
LordBronco says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 18:24:55 CDT

mclovin ha ha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQYD-IEckoc&feature=related
Fuck the Avengers. That will be a disaster of epic proportions.
Odo19 says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 19:14:40 CDT

I'm only backing Thor. That's the only thing that matters in 2011.
And yeah if Connery is serious in that video...
Odo19 says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 19:16:48 CDT

he can stand right behind Mel when he blows his brains out and hopefully get hit as well.
Odo-Thor Rules-I'm all about that
LordBronco says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 19:47:09 CDT

I read somewhere that the test screens were lacking in action and Marvel was disappointed.
After the dismal failures of both the Hulks-perhaps they can read my words and arbitrarily shoot two goddamned extra action scenes-second unit-and quit fucking around.
Pound for pound-Thor would actually kick Hulk's ass-if he has the hammer.
Point being-it takes the entire Avengers to take out The Hulk-these emo Hulks have really sucked balls honestly.
Betty Banner or whats her face-The fucking hulk is a roaming Nuclear strike-seconded only by thor. Fuck bruce Banner and and actors-I want to see the Hulk pull down the entire SHIELD Helicarrier in the first act like the fucking cloverfield Monster.
Fuck nick Fury, Fuck Shield, Fuck Nato-fuck the X-men, fuck Captain America.
The shit needs to get real.
Fuck Thor! Fuck the Avengers!
Continentalop says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 22:13:19 CDT

Fuck all super-hero movies. And I say this as a huge super-hero fan - I think Hollywood, and especially Marvel, are just saturating the market with too many super hero movies. I think people can handle one or two movies, but it seems like in 2011 there will be a shit load.
Green Hornet, Thor, X-Men: First Class, Green Lantern, Transformers 3 (originally toys, but c'mon - robot superheroes), & Captain America. That is some serious super-hero overload! By the time Captain America comes out people, even if the film is up there with Indiana Jones and the Rocketeer, people are going to be sick of the genre I bet.
I've been reading Herzog on Herzog all day...
Odo19 says:

Sun 01 Aug 2010 22:19:05 CDT

some fascinating shit in that book. After reading about a fourth of it I'm fairly sure being on one of his film crews will make hell seem like a toothy blow job. Anyway I looked him up on youtube and saw this footage of him a getting hit by a sniper(with an airgun I think). I thought you might like to see it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylXqc8TQ15w
Well I love Sam the Man but
Grammaton Cleric Binks says:

Mon 02 Aug 2010 08:17:51 CDT

Nicky Fury is a white dude with one eye, distinguished grey temples, and a stogie. Sam is black with no hair. Fuck PC.
Hey mikey
LordBronco says:

Mon 02 Aug 2010 13:20:18 CDT

More kinski!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYKLmTC20xQ&feature=related
So Mike, you're back?
I Fluffed Hilary Duff says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 02:50:50 CDT

Does this mean QFAD will be back in full force and I will be able to get my wang up again?
Not back Duff, just doing this and that.
Stuntcock Mike says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 08:27:54 CDT

.
Fuck....I need to get on that twitter thing....
Odo19 says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 19:45:13 CDT

this is just fucking great.
You should fucking get on twitter Odo, its a lot of fun-- the chick I'm dating is on there...
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 20:54:42 CDT

http://twitter.com/Cumdumpster2000
FUCK YEAH SOMMERS IS BACK FOR JOE2 AMERICA WINS YOU LOSE!!!!
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 23:04:58 CDT

Now here's hoping he's able to work with that shit script from incompetent Zombieland fucks.
Joe 2 gets greenlit while...
Odo19 says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 23:21:49 CDT

David Lynch has to sell coffee from his website(that tastes great by the way) to make ends meet? Ugh. Fuck this planet.
what are you bitching about? You said yourself the coffee was fucking great!
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 23:31:53 CDT

http://bit.ly/bO3gqU
and I'm sure Lynch would be just fine if he didn't waste all his time on this bullshit....
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Tue 03 Aug 2010 23:41:59 CDT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQxXIx83sWs
We need you in California BASIL!!
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Wed 04 Aug 2010 00:02:47 CDT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=livOU_WtQ9Q
You watch Kimmel now too??
Odo19 says:

Wed 04 Aug 2010 00:10:33 CDT

*says fuck underbreath*
Kimmel? FUCK THAT HACK
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Wed 04 Aug 2010 01:24:41 CDT

I scour the web for fucking BASIL like you scour the web for Tori Black prolapse vids.
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/08/judge_vaughn_walker_hands_vict.html
Odo19 says:

Wed 04 Aug 2010 16:32:53 CDT

It's about fucking time.
BAMFOTD for the honorable Judge Waler in the near future Danny??
Odo19 says:

Wed 04 Aug 2010 19:24:29 CDT

//
Walker I mean....
Odo19 says:

Wed 04 Aug 2010 19:40:03 CDT

//
BEST NEWS OF THE FUCKING YEAR!!!!! PRAISE!!
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Thu 05 Aug 2010 00:02:42 CDT

This bird deserves a fucking Congressional Medal of Honor!
http://punchingkitty.com/2010/07/24/because-a-bird-shit-on-kings-of-leon-they-shit-on-their-st-louis-fans/
That news is old...
Odo19 says:

Thu 05 Aug 2010 00:04:31 CDT

I saw it weeks ago but didn't care enough to link it here. Make a BAMFOTD for that bird too though.
FUCK!! Why didn't you tell me?!
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Thu 05 Aug 2010 00:11:16 CDT

I'll work on that BMFOTD.
Whoa what is this?
Odo19 says:

Fri 06 Aug 2010 22:24:45 CDT

Some movie I never heard of with Colin Ferrel and Paz Vega. Colin is looking a little like Elias Koteas in this pic.
http://www.blu-ray.com/movies/screenshot.php?movieid=11723&position=1
Fuck yes!! The many faces of Chris Klein...
Odo19 says:

Sat 07 Aug 2010 20:38:32 CDT

http://www.latinoreview.com/news/el-guapo-presents-the-many-faces-of-caught-in-the-crossfire-s-chris-klein-10698
I only wish I had thought of this.
FUCK!!!!
Koutchboom says:

Sun 08 Aug 2010 01:33:57 CDT

I need to fucking post my Dinner For Shits review god damnit! FUCK BALLS! Next week is the week for updates, hold on to your butts.
Michael McKean was in Short Circuit 2?
Odo19 says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 11:34:36 CDT

Color me surprised.
Goddamn.....saddest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life...
Odo19 says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 11:46:51 CDT

Truly upsetting material. What is it about animals and robots getting beaten to death that makes it so fucked up?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUQMvlH39XA&feature=related
Something to help you guys sleep tonight...
Odo19 says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 12:39:50 CDT

http://www.cracked.com/article_16462_the-7-creepiest-real-life-robots.html
A Human Centipede porn?
Fra Dolcino says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 13:44:10 CDT

It's about time someone took this to its logical conclusion: http://shocktillyoudrop.com/news/topnews.php?id=16150
UNLEASH THE CENTIPEDE!!!!
I Fluffed Hilary Duff says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 16:37:42 CDT

Fucking thing just won't die
NEWSFLASH!!!!! I've found what I've been looking for for almost a week straight.....
DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 21:34:41 CDT

MONTANA FISHBURNE (AKA CHIPPY D) and Brian Pumper's scene!!!! And check out them fly ass rhymes!! DAYUUUUUM!!
http://www.spankwire.com/Chippy-D/video220776/
What's wrong with her ass?
Odo19 says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 22:35:50 CDT

and again Pumper is probably the worst male performer in porn today. Just sleep walks right through every scene.
hahahah
Koutchboom says:

Tue 10 Aug 2010 22:53:24 CDT

So I guess no one saw The Other Guys?
I didn't see The Other Guys
I Fluffed Hilary Duff says:

Wed 11 Aug 2010 10:51:45 CDT

But I heard of someone who did.

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